Sunday, 24 July 2016

No Place to Go

Sydney Park by L Lauren

There is a favored place. 
A place to sit and breathe and simply be...
It is set apart on a small hill and overlooks a large swathe of the surrounding area.
 It takes in the expanse of sky and space around.

 In this place it is easy to remember that we are not what is happening to us.

 We are beyond all happenings, all doings, all comings, and goings.

We need to be reminded of this again and again because the 'world' pulls us out from our center again and again.

Yet this world is as fleeting as the time that birds that come together on a branch.

For just one moment they are there and then they are gone without leaving
 a trace.

Like the passing clouds and moods of the sky above
we can loose ourselves in the ceaseless tumult and rush of this world.

But our inmost being can never loose us.

Constantly it is tapping away at our awareness,
 beckoning us to remember,
 summoning us tirelessly to
 look within.

We always tend to think that we have somewhere to go, 
something to do, someone to visit, something to say.

Yet the truth of our being is constantly trying to remind us that we are
complete, whole, and undivided.

No place to go. 
We are always just where we need to be.

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Blade of Finest Steel

Iron Ore may think itself senselessly tortured in the furnace
but when the blade of finest steel emerges, it knows better...

If we could see our future; if we could know how things will turn out and
if we could comprehend the greater and wider picture, we might move
through this life very differently. Then again, we might not.

How much of what happens is actually up to us?

We like to believe that we are the master of our own little ship.
That we are standing at the helm, making all the decisions and that we are in control. The whole setup looks and feels so convincing. There we are on the bridge clutching the wheel while all around us is the wide and open sea. Despite the size and the seasons of this vast ocean space, we feel that we are indeed steering our own independent course.

Yet, is this really true?
And how can we know if it is or not?

Recently, i underwent a journey at considerable expense of time, money, energy and effort. It did not turn out the way i had been hoping for or expecting. In fact, it was altogether quite disastrous in terms of those preconceived expectations. 

It seems not to matter how long we live, how much we do or how far we travel, to some degree or other we remain glued to our belief in what we 'think' we know. Very often the results of life experience don't seem to add up to much and certain things may take place for which we can find very little meaning at all and yet at the end of the day, do we need to? Would what we know or think we know really affect the outcome?

Is there anything in what appears to 'happen' to us that we can actually hold onto? If we look back on events they are just memories. If we look forward to future happenings, they are simply fabrications of the mind's hopes and fears.

The mind is brilliant at fabricating, interpreting and judging, but can we really trust it?

The ego can take a certain satisfaction in what we might perceive as 'worthwhile' or positive outcomes but what do we do with the stuff that we just can't make sense of? 

If we are not to become cynical about or jaded by 'life' there remains only one course open to us. But how do we get to the point where we can let go of our preconceptions and assumptions without going through a process which will ultimately leave us no choice. Such a process is likely to be a torrid and long drawn out affair?

As tiny children, we could look out at the world without preconceptions, but then life set in and we were loaded with so much information, imprisoned by so many surrounding thoughtforms and finally so bound up by our own created mental attitudes that now we can no longer remember the simple innocence of just 'being.'

Think of the way each grain of sand on the beach has arisen by the action of endlessly crashing waves and seasons. We can be likened to these grains and our life experiences to all its ups and downs and unexpected twists and turns. 
"If it were not for the stones and boulders on the mountain, we could not catch hold of and move onward and upward to the summit of the peak.

How many of us ever reflect deeply in the midst of happy circumstances. When things are going our way, we relax and tend to let the time fly by. We don't consider the deeper questions surrounding our lives and our existence. We don't question our assumptions about this world. In fact, we take our lives and the extra-ordinary fact of our existence completely for granted.

Only when it is about to be snatched away from us or from someone to whom we are deeply attached, do we stop and give our attention to what is most important.

As babies, we could look out at the world without bias but as we proceed deeper into the maelstrom of life we loose our 'real' selves and become hopelessly entangled and confused.

"Water, water everywhere, yet not a drop to drink." Afloat on the sea of life our very existence arises due to the 'water' of our awareness and yet we often feel ourselves to be alone and abandoned on a vast ocean from which it seems that we cannot drink.

Again and again, life rises up to force us to look more closely at that 'water' of our awareness. The filters created by our mind must be taken away, either one by one or all at once, before we can see it for what it really is. Sooner or later we must acknowledge that nothing could exist without it and that we do not even need to reach out to grasp at what is inherently already there within us.

So next time we feel ourselves to be like helpless iron ore, aflame within the furnace of uncertain life events, we can remember the blade of finest steel. It will flash brightly in the rising sun to remind us of what has always been ours. It is what makes the flashing of recognition possible in the first place.

Ultimately, we have two choices; either to let go and recognise what is already there or to undergo the painful, forging process required to help us let go of the multitude misconceptions that our mind has created. 

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Letting Go and Letting Be

If we are always in a rush we will never be able to take the time to notice what is happening to us 'now.'

When we take a moment to in our day to just 'let go and let be' we swiftly re align ourselves with the effortless, lucid and spacious awareness which is our true nature...

In the rush and bustle of just getting through our daily routines we completely miss what is right in front of us; right under our noses!

Because we fail to notice this spacious 'present moment' we get constantly propelled along by the unending drama of whatever is happening around us at any given time. 

The whole universe is filled with the 'beingness' of our existence, it is unspeakably dynamic and always available. It is the one 'constant;' the only thing that we can ever really, truly count on in this world.

It is our 'best friend' in the truest sense of the word.
No one can take it from us and no one can give it to us. We have only to acknowledge it within ourselves.

When we acknowledge the existence of what actually 'is' we do ourselves the greatest possible kindness.

Herein is the key to happiness, peace and joy. 

Why waste another day, or another moment, being caught up with what is unimportant? Our work has a way of taking care of itself. When we do not invest all of our interest in it, but just do whatever we need to do properly and well, without expectation of gain or loss, we release ourselves from the slavery of constant 'business,' infused with the anxiety associated with hope and fear. 

The body can be 'active' but when there is no attachment to an outcome we are released into a great and spacious freedom of living in the present moment, without expectations and without an investment in our 'doings.'

Of course, this is a radical shift in the focus of our awareness and yet it is within
the reach of each and every one of us.

I am just here to beat the 'drum,' which is a constant reminder of how things
actually are...

Friday, 22 April 2016

A Disconnected Life

"It is no measure of health
to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Jai Krishnamurti

If we had to come up with one word to describe the controlling forces in our
modern society that word would have to be 'fear.' It is at the root of all kinds
troubles which loom large in our current modern world.

We are not only fed a multitude of reasons as to why we need to be fearful but because we believe that what we think we know and what we perceive with our senses is true and real we become entangled. The whole spiral of delusory perceptions spins around relentlessly due to the momentum of those inherently faulty beliefs.

This is the merry go round of samsara and it can carry on turning indefinitely if we let it...

Thankfully though, we have a choice as to whether we buy into all of this or not.

We can 'pause' at any time and re-evaluate the whole strange situation which has quietly entwined us so tightly that we barely even noticed that we can no longer live freely anymore.
"Everybody dies but not everybody lives.
They walk amongst us.
Those that do not know that they do not know."

What does it take to wake up? 
A paradigm shift in our awareness of awareness...

This may sound difficult yet bringing it about it one of the simplest of things
we can ever 'do.' In fact, it is not even about 'doing.'
It is simply about 'being,' about seeing what is already and always present 
and available to us.

It is a radical shift in our perception of perception itself!

It is about the innate 'freedom' which nothing and no one can ever take away from us.

A 'disconnected life' is a life lived without the awareness of our awareness.
We have within us the ultimate treasure and it is always with us patiently awaiting our recognition.

Saturday, 5 March 2016

Pause, Breathe and Open Your Heart


Developing the ability to let go into moments of 'openness' enables us to reconnect with the simple day to day occurrences in life which can instantly bring us into a place of joy and simplicity.

Modern life is full of the opposite. There is rampant 'disconnection' with what actually 'is.'

This is the reason why it is so important to take moments to stop and breath and by this I mean to really let go into the breath. If we can let go of our clinging to ‘outcomes;’ our clinging to expectations; our hopes and our fears, then we permit ourselves a precious moment of ‘inner silence.’

This ‘inner silence’ is an unwinding, it allows the mind to unravel the intricate and deluding web of thoughts which normally engross our attention.

When we begin to ‘unwind’ we enter into the natural state of just letting things ‘be.’

There is a natural rhythm in the cycle of our breathing which can easily convey us into a place of silence. It is not that we have to ‘do’ anything; we just need to relax and yet remain completely alert in the space between thoughts.

When we expand into the present moment, which is uncontrived and effortless, this simple non-movement takes us instantly to the edge of infinity which is the expanse of the ‘true self.’

We get so caught up in the little dramas going on in our lives and in our minds; that we take them to be true and real. But if we stop for a moment and look up into the sky, be it day or night and let that vision touch us in that secret, silent place beyond thoughts and words, something can happen.

In the flash of an eye our perspective can shift from petty, self-involved preoccupations to the infinite mystery of the universe in which we ‘live, move and have our being.’

There need be nothing fabricated in this shift of perspective, it requires nothing but an openness of heart and mind in order to reconnect with the profound mystery of our existence.

In doing this, we reconnect with the sacred, and the sacred is free, always available and unbelievably near.

Yes, we are that minuscule dot in the vast expanse of the universe but we are also that universe; the one reflects the other in a way that is utterly unimaginable and perfect.

The greatest adventure of discovery that one can ever embark upon is the inner adventure, the adventure that dives deeply into the 'self;' the mystery of our existence and of who and what we really are.

This simple message is being repeated again and again, like the beating of a drum. There are endless ways of saying this one true thing and yet the meaning is always the same. The intention is only that we will awaken to the call, hear the sound and dive deeply into the true self.

This is the one panacea to end all our troubles and the single most important thing we can do in this world.



Friday, 5 February 2016

A Life Well Lived

Beloved Lord of Refuge, we can never repay your kindness.

Merging into the expanse of Wisdom you will continue to benefit countless beings …

If you don’t reflect on death and impermanence
There will be no way to practice Dharma purely.
Practice will remain an aspiration,
One that is constantly postponed.
And you may feel regret the day that death comes,
But by then it’s too late!

Kyabje Chadral Sangye Dorje Rinpoche

While working on the final stages of editing this book, (Who Lives? Who Dies?) I received the news, early one morning that my master Chadral Sangye Dorje had passed away in Parping, Nepal.

A few days earlier I had received a warning that he was unwell and had immediately thought to put together a list of things I would need to do and pack should I have to leave quickly for Nepal. I knew very well that if I received news that he had ‘passed away’ I would very likely be in no state of mind to attend to all the details of making a sudden and hasty departure. Surely enough that ‘word’ came on the 5th of January 2016.

He had actually passed into ‘Tukdam’ (final meditation state) on the 30th of December 2015 at 17.35 but as he had requested his close family members not to announce his passing until he had fully merged into Maha Paranirvana, they carefully kept the occurrence a very strict secret. Not even people working on the premises knew of what had taken place.

Chadral Rinpoche lived to the considerable age of one hundred and four, counting by the Tibetan system which includes the months of gestation prior to birth. His had been a grand and long life and one which had been of benefit to countless sentient beings.

He guided and took care of me for more than twenty years and the gratitude I feel along with the sense of the deep connection which will always exist between us is something which is not possible to describe in words. Next to the late Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche he was one of the central and most important people in my life.

Since 2009 it had not been possible to meet face to face with Rinpoche but for me personally this had not been an issue. He was able to guide me through my retreat years and I had been extremely fortunate to be able to go to him when I needed his advice or to verify ‘experiences’ and I could complete the needful prior to that time.

Others were not so fortunate however and a whole new group of people both young and old from all walks of life and all parts of the world missed that precious opportunity of direct contact with him. Nevertheless, his influence continued to reach far and wide.

Before 2009, Rinpoche was very accessible although he never lingered too long in any one place. There were a few occasions when things might not have gone the way people would have expected but this was part of the beauty of his style and expression. He was never a lama to compromise on the things that he held dear neither could he be ‘brought around’ once a decision had been made.

A hundred and four years is a long time to be alive in the world. Rinpoche met and influenced so many people; he saved countless lives and lived out his term without compromising his convictions in any way. His life was one of simplicity and integrity and stands as a testament and shining example for all those of us who were fortunate enough to witness at least a part of it as also for those who were not.

He spent time in worlds so incredibly different. Imagine Tibet in the early nineteen hundreds long before the Chinese occupation and try to compare that world with the one in which we live now? He moved seamlessly through both, never missing a step, never faltering in his determination to benefit sentient beings.

Practical and Yet Spontaneous

Rinpoche was a supremely practical man who did not possess even an ounce of hypocrisy. He was so direct and to the point that some feared him. Although he was very much a Tibetan ‘Yogi’ he could also be quite traditional. However, it simply was not possible to narrow him down and label him as either traditional or nontraditional because he rose to meet every occasion from a place of complete spontaneity.

His focus was always on the ‘essence’ of things, and he had little time for or interest in anything else. He was a living embodiment of the Buddha’s teachings, which he had so completely ‘owned’ through his own practice and experience and he encouraged all of his students to do the same.

Rinpoche’s spontaneity arose from his moment-to-moment living in the present, which gave rise to many unexpected little incidents, some of which could be quite humorous.

I remember one morning when we were buzzing around and preparing for a trip up into the hills of Darjeeling. We thought we had things pretty well in hand but when it was announced that the car had arrived, Rinpoche suddenly leapt up from his seat and began to head towards the door. We quickly grabbed the warm clothes that he would need and awkwardly tried to dress him as he moved. Once he got into motion it could be difficult to pin him down. His daughter Semo Tara Devi was there on that occasion and so the two us had managed to put on a jumper and also drape his sen (shawl). But then suddenly he was heading towards the door again so Tara grabbed one shoe and I the other. Only when Rinpoche was actually climbing into the car were we able to notice that he had a different shoe on each foot. Certainly Rinpoche had not noticed.

Dry words in a book on a shelf were for the scholars. Rinpoche moved freely through the fields of experience. There was joyfulness around him and a scintillating sense of freedom without boundaries. Never-the-less it should be noted that Rinpoche was also a brilliant and prolific scholar who authored, at least, three volumes of works which were widely read.


He was tremendously learned in an organic way; his learning came through experience, and it revealed itself with considerable authority and power because it was so completely authentic.

This authenticity never moved me more profoundly than on an occasion when a small group of woman students gathered one afternoon in his room in Salbari Gompa in order to receive the Bodhisattva vows.

Some weeks before this event, a long-time Western student and I had been discussing the practice of Guru Yoga in general and Chadral Rinpoche’s Guru Yoga in particular. I had been deeply impressed by the way my friend had recounted some of his personal experiences in this regard. He had discussed the various qualities of different sadhanas (practices) but then pointed out that the Guru Yoga of Chadral Rinpoche was so potent that the blessings which flowed from it were almost palpable. He had said something to the effect that you can almost ‘hold’ the blessings in your hands and feel the weight of them.

The image which his description had created in my mind remained with me very clearly, and that afternoon when we gathered to receive the vows I kept remembering it.

I had taken Bodhisattva vows already on several occasions with other teachers; however, a European student of Chadral Rinpoche’s requested that he give them to her, and I found myself in the fortunate position of already being present in the room and therefore able to be part of this small group. I was delighted by this happy occurrence.

There might have been five or six of us present that day. If I remember correctly, we were just two foreign women, a couple of Tibetan Nuns and one or both of Rinpoche’s daughters.

At that time, Rinpoche was staying in the small room upstairs in his house in the Salbari compound. We were called together and then he beckoned us to enter the room and close the door behind us. We stood before him in a line across the width of the room. Rinpoche meanwhile, sat on his meditation cushion on the floor ensconced in a large furry cape.

Although I had spent a lot of time around Chadral Rinpoche in an informal way, I had only been present on a small number of occasions when he gave formal teachings or empowerments. This turned out to be one of those rare occasions.

In his deep voice, he asked us all to make three prostrations and as we did so, he picked up his bell and damaru (small hand drum) and began to chant the lineage prayer of the Lonchen Nyingtik. Rinpoche’s lineage is a remarkably short and powerful one originating in Kuntuzangpo, which passes on to Jigme Lingpa, Gyalway Nyugu then on to Patrul Rinpoche, Nyoshul Lungtok and Khenpo Ngachung, who in turn passed it on to Chadral Rinpoche and Nyoshul Khenpo.

I don’t recall that I had any particular expectations of what was to come except a pleasant sense of anticipation which in no way could have prepared me for the impact of what was to follow.

Suddenly and quite inexplicably I felt catapulted into a ‘timeless state’ which was absolutely saturated with blessings, so much so, that even though I had barely completed my three prostrations, a surge of tears rose up and began to flow.

I was not at all prepared; no handkerchief, no tissues, not even a long shirt sleeve to come to my rescue. These were not the emotional tears of joy or sorrow; these were tears that overflowed from some previously untapped source in my being. With every passing moment, it was as though Rinpoche was opening wider and wider the faucet on a tap of blessings. Not only did the tears flow from my eyes but my nose was also streaming. I had never had any such reaction in previous gatherings where we had all taken these same vows. This was something quite unprecedented and really took me by surprise.

For the entire duration of the gathering, this flow continued. I recall feeling some embarrassment at not being able to control what was happening or even blow my nose. I was a complete mess, so much so that I did not notice if anyone else was as affected as I was. I only recall how relieved I felt when it all ended and I could rush off to my room and wash my face and re-compose myself again.

As Conventional as Unconventional

In many ways, Rinpoche could be quite conventional, and yet in others, he was quite the opposite.

One instance of the manner in which Rinpoche could be unconventional, and which most people would not have been aware, prior to his passing away and which caused many some surprise, emerged only when the family compound in Parping was opened to the public. On the walls of the Lhakhang, which had been built inside the compound, were painted the Hindu deities of Shiva with his consort Parvati. On the left side of the shrine; Krishna with his consort Radha and their entourages along with various other representations of this kind.

Directly in front of the temple entrance, housed in its own separate building, a Shiva lingam of generous size.
To some traditional Buddhists, this would seem like a grave eccentricity in the Lama and something quite inexplicable.

However, Rinpoche had gone beyond the narrowness of needing to confine himself solely to the accepted and traditional Tibetan pantheon. He saw no conflict of interests. What these images represent is an expression of ‘energy’ in its many and varied forms and this ‘energy’ is universal.

On more than one occasion I was with him when we visited a Hindu shrine. One which he dropped into regularly was the shrine on Tiger Hill near Darjeeling and there were others in various locations.


There was complete integrity in all that he did, and this is no doubt why he could carry so powerfully the traditional alongside the nontraditional.

He made it very clear that he would not perpetuate himself in the lineage of ‘Tulkus’ and unequivocally stated that there would be no ‘reincarnation.’ This was to be the last life. In recent years after the passing of several great masters, a number of ‘Tulkus’ put themselves forward as candidates and much controversy ensued. Rinpoche made his position crystal clear and has thus avoided any future complication.

He had always steered clear of the Monasteries and large institutions and consistently underlined the importance of doing practice in solitary retreats in order to have direct experience of the essential points of the ‘dharma.’

On several occasions Rinpoche made the comment that some people who came to him and who were dressed like ‘practitioners’ actually had no stable inner experience, while there were those who seemed to be very ordinary and who did not have the appearance of being a ‘practitioner’ yet who were in fact ‘true practitioners.’ To Rinpoche, a ‘true practitioner’ was someone who had recognized the natural state and achieved a measure of stability in settling into that. He underlined for us the fact that we cannot judge anyone by appearances alone.

He established many retreat centers after he moved to India in the late 1950,s so that those who came to him would be able to practice in suitable locations and thereby actualize the teachings by gaining first-hand experience of them.


He clearly pointed to the fact that one has to practice the ‘dharma’ in order to gain benefit from it for one’s self and in turn for others. He had spent many decades of his life doing just that and often under the most trying conditions. For many years he had wandered around Tibet, staying in the caves or in a small tent with little more than what he could carry over his shoulder. He could easily have passed his days in comfort and plenty in one of the rich monasteries. He truly had lived as an example of what he later encouraged others to do.

The master is not able to give us something that we do not already possess. He/she simply alerts us to our true and inherent potential. It is for us to understand and gain true experience of our inmost natural state by taking his/her advice to heart.

He established many simple places where practitioners could come together, or where they could be alone in order to practice the Dharma without distraction.

He always emphasized the need to gain experience in retreats and almost all of his direct students have undergone a retreat or two under his guidance and care.


That our lives should be an expression of what can bring benefit to others is the motivation of a true Bodhisattva whose every action is geared to turning others towards ‘truth.’ Rather than spending our precious lives and energy in meaningless activities and distractions, he encouraged us to benefit others through sincere and concerted practice motivated by Bodhichitta. As with the perfume of a flower which need not ‘do’ anything particular and yet which affects and purifies the whole surrounding area with its scent, so too should our practice radiate its fragrance throughout space.

Soon after Rinpoche escaped to India from Tibet he took a vow renouncing the consumption of meat. This happened in nineteen sixty, long before it became fashionable. Prior to that, he had been as rabid a meat eater as any other Tibetan. Once he decided to abstain, however, his stance was unshakable, and all the Temples and Retreat centers under guidance became ‘no meat’ zones. Here again, he was an example of what he preached and living to a grand age underlined the fact that human beings can subsist very healthily on a vegetarian diet.

He made it a mission to release countless fish from the fish farms in Kolkata and elsewhere. Other kinds of wildlife were also rescued in a similar way.

His compassion revealed itself through a long stream of activities that brought freedom, on one level or another, to countless sentient beings.

The Humor

It was a delight to spend time in Rinpoche’s company. There was always plenty of laughter and lighthearted banter. There were so many humorous occasions, but one instantly springs to my mind.

One year, we were in the Lhakhang retreat center up in the Helambu Region of Nepal. At that time a group of devotees had come up from Sermatang to accompany Rinpoche to their monastery.

Around thirty of the older and higher ranking people from the village had made the journey on foot in order to welcome Rinpoche and accompany him back. They brought with them a sturdy little pony which Rinpoche was to ride on the way down the trail to the village. This particular pony was an old favorite of Rinpoche’s and had carried him around on other such occasions in the past.

On the morning when we were due to leave everyone gathered near Rinpoche’s hut. Rinpoche climbed onto the pony, a big happy smile spreading over his face. One lama went ahead of our group wielding a large kukri blade in order to make sure that the pathway was cleared of any debris or stray branches and the rest of us followed behind.

Barely had the small horse begun to move than it let out a loud fart. We could see Rinpoche ahead shaking with laughter and everyone behind followed suit. The animal continued on in this vein every few minutes all the way to the Sermatang. Goodness knows what he had eaten for breakfast. Suffice it to say, we kept a respectful distance behind…

The View

Above all else, Chadral Rinpoche encouraged us to recognize our ‘true nature,’ because absolutely nothing else will be of any use to us in the long run. This and this alone is the chief and crucial point. In recognizing and practicing, one brings into balance all other factors in one’s life. It is the great panacea, the one thing which brings resolution to all that causes confusion and suffering in this world.

On one incredibly precious occasion when he gave a couple of us some ‘pith’ instructions, he referred to the advice given as the ‘blood of his heart.’ Such ‘treasure’ has the power to liberate countless beings; we need only open our hearts and pray with one-pointed devotion. Our devotion is like the sun that melts the snow on the top of the mountain.


A few days after the news had been broken about his ‘passing,’ I made my way up to Nepal from South India.

I had gone there for the first time in almost a decade in August of 2015 and had the great good fortune to see Rinpoche moving through Parping on a number of occasions.
I had gone in order to pay my respects while I was still in the region and had made my way over from Darjeeling, having spent the summer months in my retreat hut in the hills.

The latest visit, however, was under very different circumstances and carried with it a very different mood.
Being the middle of winter and in the grip of not only the cold but also profound economic and political misery there was an added dimension to the sense of sadness at his passing.

Crippling power cuts and shortages of every kind were the order of the day and these were not due to the after effects of the powerful earthquake that had struck only months before. These had been brought on by the greed and short-sightedness of an elite few.

Despite all of this, however, or perhaps because of it, the population near and far came to Parping. They came in droves to pay their respects and receive the blessing’ of the reliquary.

Initially, I had passed some days inside the Temple shrine and participated in the ceremony that was taking place. However, it soon became too crowded so I withdrew to a spot outside and below the temple area. Every evening before the prayers ended, I would head up to the temple and stand near an open window in order to recite the words of the Guru Yoga prayers with all the Lamas who were gathered inside.

For me, this proved to be the most moving moment in the days during which I could be present. Invariably as soon as the Umsey (chant leader) began to sing this particular prayer his voice would crack and waver. Sometimes he would have to stop chanting all together and then another Lama would quickly take over.

Rinpoche had brought so many of us together and the feeling that we were and are one big family remains. How can we ever forget his kindness?

A Life Well Lived

Day after day I sat and watched the stream of humanity, young and old, rich and poor pass by and through the temple precincts in which the Kudung was being housed. It was not easy for these people to make this journey to the fringes of the Kathmandu valley. Their transport was inadequate and often terribly over-crowded. It was a costly journey for most people and also extremely uncomfortable. Yet they came and keep coming.

It is profoundly moving and humbling to see how one life, which is motivated towards the good of others can influence so many in juxtaposition with those who are motivated by temporary gain and greed at the expense of so many others.

What a stark contrast and the more moving for being so.

We need good examples of how to live our lives and how to give precedence to what is most meaningful. It is not as though we are going to have endless chances to do this.

Everywhere we look we can find countless examples of lives spent in dissipation, and distraction while a well-lived life is a rare thing indeed.

I can only rejoice in Rinpoche’s example which was and remains so deeply meaningful to not only me but to so many others. The radiance of what he gave the world will continue to have its beneficial effect long into the future if in fact humanity has a long future before it…

In these days and times, we can be sure of nothing except the ‘one true thing’ of which we have spoken repeatedly throughout this tome.

May you be moved to discover this for yourself and thereby make your own life resonate with what is truly meaningful.

With the pure motivation of Bodhichitta (the wish to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings), each one of us has the power to transform our world.

May we keep this in our mind and heart always.

Precious Bodhichitta, the highest attitude
Where it is unborn, may it arise
Where it is born, may it increase,
rising ever higher and higher.


(The above is an excerpt from the new book: Who Lives? Who Dies?)

Sunday, 17 January 2016

The Psychology of Fear.

One is never afraid of the unknown; 
one is afraid of the known coming to an end.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

It is true; we are bound only by what we believe.
Only by what we ‘think’ we know.
This is not to say that we should undo everything we know; everything that we have ever learnt. Even if we could do such a thing, it would not be possible and in many ways it would be counterproductive.

However, a certain ease can arise in the recognition of the possibility that we are not as ‘bound up’ by our conventions and our day to day routines as we might have previously supposed.

We have the power to turn our mind to whatever we choose, whenever we choose. This kind of freedom is something that we normally take completely for granted and yet so very much depends upon it and upon the knowing of it.

Imagine if we were to invest as much energy into the ‘search’ for truth, as we invest in distractions and all manner of unimportant things?

With focused and determined Self-Enquiry it would take very little time to unravel the mystery of our existence. Yet, how many feel motivated to do this? We quite naturally gravitate to the quicker, easier and more immediate gratifications.

There can be a deep inner resistance to stretching our boundaries. Often we may not even be aware of this resistance. It is bred into us from the earliest possible age and in a thousand different little ways. Modern societies rule through the psychology of fear. Think of how we are monitored in almost every way and we are constantly told that it is for our good; that it is for our protection.

When we begin to ‘question’ we also begin to unravel the knots that bind us to certain premises and beliefs that we might previously have taken as a given.

Fear can be an incredibly inhibiting and stultifying emotion, yet in all sorts of ways, it constantly sneaks into our lives and challenges us.

Remembering death and impermanence is a great way for us to cut through our shell of hesitation and fear. We have insulated ourselves in order to ‘protect’ ourselves and yet the result is that we end up with nothing. Without an understanding of our inmost nature we are at the mercy of fear and death.

In this modern world the emphasis is on our material existence which insinuates constantly that our happiness depends upon accumulating more ‘things.’ Yet we all know in our heart of hearts that this is a load of bollix.

Bring ‘death’ into the picture and everything changes.

The ‘problem’ with ‘death’ is that there is no ‘solution’ for it. There is no ‘fix it’ and get on with a life program. It has been tried of course,
and many may claim that they have been helped. But most of these approaches offer temporary solutions; ‘feel good’ excursions which in the end are little more than delaying tactics. It is not easy to be really honest with ourselves but in the end it is far, far kinder.

When we do not know ‘who and what we really are’ we are unable to fully enter into the unedited story of our lives and of all lives.

We were born to recognize our innate freedom.

It is as simple as that.

Herein lies the whole purpose and meaning of our existence. We can phrase it in countless different ways, but in the end all ways lead to the one true thing.

The only impediment to our finding this out within ourselves, is our own ‘mind’ and the conditioning fears to which it has been subject since the moment of our birth.

It requires determination and focus to unravel such tightly bound habits as the ones which we have unwittingly formed.

What is needed,rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance,
 is understanding fear; 
that means, watch it, learn about it, 
come directly into contact with it. 
We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it."
It is very easy to conform to what your society or your parents and teachers tell you. 
That is a safe and easy way of existing; but that is not living…

To live is to find out for yourself what is true.

Jiddu Krishnamurti

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Great Compassion

Homage to the Beloved Lord of Refuge. 
We can never repay your kindness. 
Merging into the Expanse of Wisdom you will continue to benefit countless beings...

"Limit yourself to just a few activities 
and undertake them with all diligence."

Kyabji Chadral Sangye Dorje

"One of the 'activities' that Chadral Rinpoche undertook with 'all diligence,' was and remains, the annual fish release into the sacred Indian river, the Ganges. This happens right at the point where this vast river finally flows out into the Bay of Bengal and the wide open sea.

He began this project in the 1960,s with little more than an old wooden canoe, a few bucket loads of fish and a couple of helpers. Today the work is carried on primarily by his wife, Sangyum Karmala and various sponsors and volunteers. It is now a large operation involving many helpers, a number of boats and many truckloads of fish which are purchased from the fish farms in and around Kolkata and then released with prayers and auspicious mantras into the milky green waters of the great 'Mother Ganga'.

During the 1990,s I used to wonder about the little black pouch that Rinpoche always wore around his waist. He guarded this pouch very carefully as it was stuffed full of various denominations of Indian and Nepali rupee notes which devotees had offered for the purchase and release of fish. He was thoroughly scrupulous about the offerings which came in. Each was assigned to its own purse which denoted a particular cause, but somehow the funds for the 'fish release' were always very abundant and the little black pouch was fairly bursting at its seams.

However, this had not always been the case. When Rinpoche first began this project, he was only newly arrived in India as a refugee from Tibet and extremely poor. In those days he was establishing the very first Buddhist Meditation Three Year Retreat Center in Sub Continent and as they could not afford to hire many workers, he rolled up his sleeves and took up a shovel, carrying and laboring on the repair work site with everyone else.

Funds for the Fish Release were very scarce. One time the monastery caretaker walked into Rinpoche's room with tears in his eyes. He had just discovered that Rinpoche had sold a lovely piece of precious brocade, one of very few items that they had managed to bring with them from Tibet. With these funds he had bought a dial up phone so that he could call Kolkata to order fish and keep tabs on progress for the annual end of year release!

The caretaker was in a state of utter misery a good deal of the time during those years of scarcity. He was always wondering how on earth they would all be able to eat and carry on the general business of very simple living, but Rinpoche was never concerned and always waved him away with words of solace, telling him that ‘all would be well.’

I know that Rinpoche would have given the clothes off his own back in order to keep on releasing fish into the Ganges. In fact he ordered Lolu, the caretaker, to sell some of his scant personal possessions in order to do just this, on more than one occasion.

I used to watch Rinpoche's handpicked group leave from Salbari Gompa every year for this great event, with tears in my eyes, wondering if I would ever have enough merit to be allowed to go with them and help. They all stayed at the house of a Marwari Hindu who had taken a 'shine' to Rinpoche's 'project' and Rinpoche, ever mindful and sensitive of others, was always careful never to take more people with him than was absolutely necessary for the task at hand. He did this so as not to over step or impose on the kindness of a generous donor.

One year, however, I decided to take matters into my own hands. At the time, I was living in a small retreat hut in the forests of the Darjeeling hills and had come to know that Rinpoche had arrived at his Salbari Temple. He had journeyed from Nepal and was already on his way to Kolkata. I did not want to ask for permission and risk being sent back to my hut, so I just packed a few things, went down the hill and caught the night train. After arriving in the wee hours of the following morning and finding myself a suitable lodging, I made my way to the place where I knew the ‘release’ would be taking place. I was able to arrive at the banks of the Ganges just as they were all preparing to begin work that day.

It was naughty of me to go without his permission, but I never once regretted my decision and Rinpoche never said anything to reproach me nor showed any sign of displeasure at my unasked for appearance. Within an hour I was chugging out onto the river on a funky old wooden tugboat together with one of the Lamas. The two of us had loaded our boat with the help of a band of Indian workers, with large, waist high buckets filled to the brim with fish.

Four other boats, each with two helpers to unload the buckets came and went in a constant procession as we began to release the truck loads of fish that were been bought down to the river.

It was hard work in the unforgiving sun, but we barely looked up to notice it. Throughout most of the day, Rinpoche sat quietly on the banks and watched us come and go. There was such a special atmosphere, like a rain of blessings enfolding the whole procedure and although we labored for hours without any breaks, none of us faltered or felt tired.

Many times I found myself with tears in my eyes and quite involuntarily, mantras and prayers flowed from our lips as we lifted bucket after bucket-load of fish and poured them in droves into the waters. The moment of their release was so exhilarating. It was a joy to watch them flicker away like sparkling darts as the rays of the sun's light flashed for a moment off their silvery fins.

As it turned out, the year I went was one of the last that Rinpoche, already well into his nineties at the time, could attend in person and his wife, Sangyum Kamala and others have come forward now to carry on the work.

Just think of how relevant and how meaningful this work, which had such humble beginnings, has now become. This is not just a symbolic act that shows remarkable foresight and conveys a powerful message; this is a living demonstration of something much deeper, which has profound implications.

The fish in our seas are being caught indiscriminately and in droves and who is giving anything back? Can we take and take without end?


Before concluding, I want to add a brief mention of something that happened to a young newly-wed couple who were about to embark on their honey moon on the Andaman Islands. This story is a remarkable tale that reveals the intricate and subtle underlying threads between the motivation and the activities of those who live, work and exist in this world only to benefit others.

On the day of their departure, the young, newly-weds were walking through the Kathmandu airport, when they noticed an elderly Lama sitting to one side with his family and entourage. It was Chadral Rinpoche, about to set off for Kolkata to undertake the annual fish release.

As the husband’s family members were all long time devotees of Rinpoche, he immediately went over to receive the Lama’s blessing. During this encounter Rinpoche made some comments which the young man was not able to fully understand at the time. He had asked Rinpoche to bless them on their trip and this Rinpoche had graciously done. However, he had also said something to them that they had both found very unexpected and disturbing.

He had said something major was about to happen and that much life would be lost as a result. As a political conflict was raging in Nepal at that time, the couple attributed his words to this. Rinpoche had told them that he was going to Kolkata to buy and bless fish which had been raised in fish farms. He had told them that he would release the fish into the Ganges and that he was praying that by doing this, he could save a few lives.

The couple offered a donation towards the buying of the fish and he thanked them and then added that it would be offered in their name, but not only for their long life, but for the benefit and long life of all beings.

It was mid-December in the year of 2004. Exactly two weeks later there was a huge 9.1 earthquake near Indonesia. The massive quake released a gigantic tsunami that devastated a vast swathe of south-east Asia and took with it some quarter of a million lives. It happened just off the coast of Aceh, not far from the Andaman Islands where the couple was still holidaying at that time. The newly-weds lives were spared but their known world thereafter was completely shaken and they could never forget the timely words or the powerful blessing of the Lama."
(This excerpt is from the chapter called Ransoming Lives and is quoted from my third book in the Series, Shades of Awareness.)

The above photo was taken in Neyding retreat center in Helambhu region of
Nepal in 1996.
Rinpoche is front right.
DoDrupchen Rinpoche is front left.
Just behind him and moving towards the right. The prince of Sikkim, Gyaltse Chogyal, Tulku Ozer, Semo Tara Deva, Rinpoche's second daughter, Kartok Situ, and one Gomchenpa whose name i do not remember.
 I am standing right at the back towards the left of the picture.